“You have every right to feel every emotion that surfaces within you”. 

This is something I read today by the lovely Matt Khan and it was like a breath of fresh air. 

I, like most people, feel as if I have no right to get angry or upset or even to be happy at times. We link conditions and circumstances to everything- blaming people for our anger or sadness, or having our happiness’ life-line connected to the actions and words of others. 

Lately I’ve struggled to just feel. I’ve been fearful of what it means to admit I’m angry or sad. Fearful that admitting it will only drown me or smother me further. But as Matt says, when you give yourself permission to feel and move beyond blaming yourself or others and just feel and state “l am ____ because I am” then that emotion serves you. 

It heals you further. It lets in the light. It acknowledges you’re human but also that within you lies a power that creates worlds. I never thought I could feel ‘negative emotions’ without erupting, yelling or saying mean things to others. 

I never looked at my eruptions as a sign of mistrust I have towards myself for not believing that I can just sit with an emotion, breathe through it and listen to what it’s saying. I’ve always suppressed my feelings and then, when I am literally a shell on the beach with a storm inside, I overflow, crashing and pulling anyone in my way into it. 

Then, rather than light at the end of it, there is guilt. Immense guilt for ripping into another and injecting them with MY pain. So I promise myself to never do ‘that’ again. And that’s pretty much how I’ve seen ‘feeling’ anything negative. 

It’s something to avoid. 

Something sticky and rotting and toxic. 

Something that will taint you and your relationship, so it’s easier to sacrifice yourself by carrying it with you everywhere. 

Silent, stitched up, afraid of looking in people’s eyes, resentful of every word they say. 

But today, I just felt. 

And I didn’t link it to anyone or anything. I am afraid because I am. I am angry because I am. And by just feeling these emotions while listening to them and loving myself in the process, they bring clarity, light and soon afterwards, peace.

But how to get to this space when there are people that are seamingly to blame for your bad mood? Or for circumstances that pull you into torment? How can you get to a place of just feeling your emotions and stating they exist, without letting them consume you?

Sometimes, before we can get to that place of calm understanding, we have to unleash the emotions we’ve held captive inside us for so long. But rather than exploding and destroying relationships, there are easier ways to feel and move through big emotions that have become stuck within.

1. Journal each day

When we set the stage for self-refletion, and give ourselves persmission to unload onto the page, big shifts happen. The key is showing up, even if you feel odd at first. Don’t think of journalling as something you will one day have to read, or edit, or share (crickey!). Remove all barriers to getting completely honest with yourself and let the page be the tissue that mops it all up. Because once it’s on the page, it’s out. If you’ve written something you don’t want lurking in your journal, burn it! Release it! All that matters is that you felt it first – without judgement

2. Scream it out

Sometimes acknoweldging and sitting in our feelings isn’t enough. Especially dominating ones like anger. Ever tried to just ignore a storm of anger? The more you try to smother it, the bigger the clouds become. I like to think of anger like a firework. Once it’s lit, you have to let it explode. And with that release, a calm settles in. My favourite way to feel and therefore release anger is by screaming! Go for a drive and with your windows rolled up just scream or howl, or swear. This is probably one of the most freeing exercises so readily available to us. It’s carthatic, even if it feels a little chaotic. Then, enjoy the peace and calm that comes from it. Sometimes just hearing our inner feelings outloud is enough to validate the feeling before we move on. If you can’t get out of your house or don’t have a car, use your pillow instead. If you’re worried about people hearing, do it in the bathroom with the shower going. Just let it all out.

3. Role play

Like screaming, sometimes we need that external validation that our feelings are being heard and that we are allowing that space for them. Mirror work is another easily available and extremely impactful way to connect with yourself and truly honour your emotions. Sit in front of a mirror and open up about how you are feeling. Look yourself in the eyes and list the emotions, while holding the space to really feel them. If you have strong emotions towards others, role play a conversation with them. Look into your eyes as if you were looking into yours, and speak your truth. What this exercise does is allows you to validate and justify yourself – things that our wounded ego sometimes needs. But also what our inner-child sometimes craves too. More than anything, when people are in a state of heightened emotion, they just want to be listened to and not judged. If we can do that for ourselves, even if it means venting to ourselves all the things we wish we could say to others, we get it out of our system.

With every one of these exercises, the release is just one step. The final and most important step to follow on from any of the above is to put your hand on your chest and say “my feelings are valid. I honour them and release them.”

This closing affirmation cleans up our mind and emotional energy from a place of blame and ego, to accepting that our feelings have no control over us. We must endure them before we can move on from them. This is what sets us free.